dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize