Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize