he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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