WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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