I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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