dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
