she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
