Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
