Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
