I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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