I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
