So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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