are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
