Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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