Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
