i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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