It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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