At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
