Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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