I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
