why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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