i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can I color on your dick again?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
