Princesses don't give blow jobs
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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