I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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