New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
