i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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