Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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