she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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