So drunk its hurt
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize