I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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