and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize