I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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