Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
