oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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