I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
