I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
