Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need a burrito and a hug.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
