i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
