he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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