Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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