When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I should be sponsored by Trojan
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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