I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
