Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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