yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
