I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
