dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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