My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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