You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
