I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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