They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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