I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
