it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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