I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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