It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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