I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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