I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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