If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
