at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it's like iHOP with fire
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
