you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
