Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
