If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize