I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
