he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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