According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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