DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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