shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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