your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
