I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
there is puke in my bra ... again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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