Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize