i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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