just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
