Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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