I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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