hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
