nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
