This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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