Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
