You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
