I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Terrible idea I love it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
