I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
