What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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