U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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