my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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