Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
