Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
